Deep Fried Puppies

First of all, I killed my Facebook account and went back to the real one. You all know who and what it is. Resubmit friend requests if you don’t have one and desperately want to know what I’m up to without going to the difficulty of, oh, calling me. If anyone cares why, it’s because Warbook got obnoxious.

Second, I found this online. Of interest are such pithy observations as “IF[sic] you’re changing your Facebook status every five minutes there is a good chance the only thing people will notice is that you’re an attention-seeking extrovert.” Well no kidding. Really? Admittedly extrovert is a more polite term than what I was thinking, but none the less. Look, we all know what your account says about you, and if you take a moment to consider it rationally you do too.

We also all know what a website says about someone. DFP says, “The owners mess around with this when they are bored because they surf the web too much.” This particular post? Probably something to the effect of, “Mia is really hungry and waiting for his dinner to cook is driving him crazy.” See, this subtext jazz can be amazing.

But, since the water isn’t even boiling yet, how about an image dump? Bear with me for a moment as I whip something up. The good times we’ve had will stay with us forever. Like outdated technology and bad drivers. And really, really, really retarded college student activism. While dumb blond jokes are a staple of any low brow comedic tour de force they are about as original as Bill Hick’s dearly beloved dick jokes they don’t exactly make one stand up and cheer like an amazing moment in sports.

The water’s boiling. Now it has to cook. It’s driving me insane. And it’s not a long drive. I could probably walk it if I had too.

Quoting KaidaTe quoting me quoting myself.

Ahem.

Dammit! Why is it always in Russian!

Seriously, nothing but mad props to my homies on the north side for the bad ass art skylls. Represent the R, word. But dammit, half the links I follow, and I’m following some random ass links, take me to this or that and it’s always in FUCKING RUSSIAN. WTF, comrade. WTF?

So anyway I’m getting back from work, right? We we learning about some truly odd shit. But I see the awesomeness of TJ Reynolds and have nothing but love to all involved. Hell yeah. Though looking at a few of those pictures of Spanky on the mic I’m forced to wonder a little bit. Though the pics were a lot tamer than what I expected. For which I thank god, I might add.

Anyway, life goes on. Off to grab some muchies, some sleep, and I’m out.

Word to the Ru Cru.

Eddie, do your thing on the this. Please.

Okay. Lady and dude, I’ve decided that this website has been around long enough and has a big enough following to take it to the next step. We’re going to break up and get back together. No, wait. We’re going on Facebook. That’s right. If 88 people join the facebook group, I’ll deep fry a puppy. If 176 people join, I’ll buy a puppy and deep fry that instead of raiding the neighbors back yard for that yappy dog which I think is really an electric rat with an extension cord shoved up it’s ass. I don’t know what else could cause an animal to make that much noise. Except possibly a food processor on the end of the extension cord, still shoved up the little furry noise machine’s ass, and then plugged in. We’ll find out when it hits the fry oil. If 300 people join the facebook group I’ll post nude videos of a squirrel breaking it down jungle boogie style with a frying pan painted with adorable puppies. And then I’ll scream, “SPARTA!” and deep fat fry a puppy, because that’s kind of what we do here. You may have noticed. If 999,999 people join the facebook group I’ll be pissed because that means there are a lot of people with absolutely nothing to do with their time who could be sending me large financial donations but haven’t. But, since we’re on the topic of advertising, I’m going to sell ad space on my facebook group. For fifty thousand dollars, I’ll break into the house of someone who’s in my group and paint your name, and WUZ HERE on their monitor, as well as any slogan you want. This is true direct to the consumer advertising. And, unlike other services, they won’t be able to get rid of it by surfing to another website or deleting spyware. There is no spyware. It’s a goddamm paint job on their monitor. Uninstall that, holmes. For a hundred thousand I’ll tattoo it to their face.

 Peace