Deep Fried Puppies

Yes, I know I have been absent from here for months (I know you all are really heartbroken about it), but I’ve been busy. That’s what happens when you take on a side project that then goes to shit. But I digress.

This is so funny, I had to take the time to post it.

And in case the craigslist posting is removed, here’s a screenshot of it.

Just some cool things that have accumulated on my computer and should be shared with the world. Well, I guess, not really. But I’m going to share anyway, whether you like it or not. Tough.

First, a couple of good websites. This one is for when you want to laugh at the misfortunes (and often blatant stupidity) of your fellow man. And this one is for when you are not sure if you should go on a diet. Or join the Tour de France. If you’ve eaten anything on this site, then start pedaling.

Now for some fun images. I sadly don’t have much of a gift for creative narration like Miashara does, so I’m just going to list them and let the pics speak for themselves.

If you ever wondered if Sith lords need to drink, here’s your answer.

This and this defy explanation.

Thanks for warning a brotha.

Al Bundy has been found!

This chick is clearly trying to be the head girl for dirtygasstationbathroomwhores.com.

Beware of the media!

The gansta lifestyle is everywhere, transcending political affiliations, race, and fashion sense.

Must’ve been a slow news day.

I’m anxiously waiting to see what happens next. And praying for someone to do the cannonball.

Angry, vengeful life: 1, you: 0.

This woman is wasting my air.

These people are wasting my space. And the space of several thousand other people. Seriously, can you imagine the kids? Well, I can. Or maybe more like this?

This is a clear example of the government work ethic.

From afar and from up close. Neither is good.

The beginning of the next animal fight youtube video.

I love hockey fans.

“What up? Y’all got any smokes?

I probably would feel just like him.

And to finish up, we have the disturbing and the obscene.

I hope this all brightened up your morning a little.

(Yes, I know I’m a little late blogging about this. But you guys know me. I never do anything on time.)

Sidney Crosby. What an asshole. I mean, okay, okay. This is hockey, fights happen. But if anyone did that on my team, we wouldn’t wait for the other team to retaliate. We’d beat him ourselves. This kinda thing just isn’t done.

And what does the NHL do about it? A suspension? A large fine? No. A 2 minute roughing call. Really? I get that if I brush a guy a little bit in my league. In the NHL, a punch to the face carries a mandatory 5 minutes major. Apparently getting punched in the face is a worse offense than getting punched in the nuts. That is the message the NHL wants to send to the world? That it’s okay for the supposedly “best player in the league” (and no, he is far from that, don’t believe the hype) to fight like a pussy and punch a guy in the groin from behind? Apparently so. It would appear that in Gary Bettman’s (the NHL Commissioner, for those who don’t know) eyes, the “star” Penguins’ center can do no wrong. This here is what’s wrong with the NHL. Sean Avery gets in a lot of hot water saying something that’s not really that offensive on TV. Crosby punches a player in the nuts and barely gets a slap on the wrist. Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

The only good thing to come out of this is that we all can now see how much of a girl Crosby really is. Because not only does he fight dirty, he also punches like a sissy. To quote the Atlanta Journal Constitution’s NHL notebook from Sunday, 12/21/2008:

SID VICIOUS: The good news is that Boris Valabik didn’t even feel it Thursday night when Pittsburgh star Sidney Crosby was punching him from behind, between Valabik’s legs, in a sensitive area it’s not gentlemanly to punch. But Valabik did hear about it from his teammates, and he watched it on video. “I’ve never seen anything like that before,” the Thrashers defenseman said. “When I saw it on the video, I felt embarrassed for Crosby a little bit. If that’s the way he plays hockey, that’s all right. It was what it was. That’s what he did. I don’t really want to comment on that too much. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

Yeah, it was embarrassing. Both to Crosby, Pittsburgh, and the NHL as a whole.

Doc says I needed to be vaccinated for something or other. A bored nurse takes me into a back room and goes over a whole list of forms and crap with me. Am I allergic to anything on column A? Have I had any of the diseases on column B? Am I going to be around anyone with conditions from column C? Yodda yodda yodda. Round about the end of page three she asks me if I have any rashes or cracks in my skin. Yeah, I do. She asks to see.

What else could I do? I mooned her.

Suffice to say I left and did not receive that vaccination.

True story. Swear to god.

A week or so ago Mia’s bro ClimbingGuru (in case you didn’t notice, I just make these names up by combining random words that float around in my head), AngryDrunk, and myself went out to a bar nearby where I live. There we met the definition of stupid. The conversation went like this:

Edereth: The person’s country of origin was once referred to as the “Red Country”. Where is this person from?

Stupid: Umm…. Minnesota?

E: What?! No, no, not “Red State”, “Red Country”. We’re not talking about Republican states here.

S: Oh! Okay. Umm… Texas?

E: No! Not states! Countries! Red COUNTRY!

AngryDrunk: She can’t be this dumb. She’s fucking with us, right?

S: ……

E: Look, I’ll give you a hint. The person in question’s name is [insert your favorite common Slavic name here].

S: Got it! Mexico!

E: !!!!!

ClimbingGuru: No. Not Mexico. (cracks up.)

E: This is hilarious. Wow. Okay, another hint. This country is very cold.

S: Umm…. Antartica?

E: HAHAHAHAHAHA

AD: Dude, you can’t be this stupid. It’s not possible! Stop fucking with us.

CG: No. Not Antartica. We’re talking about a country here, not continents. How about this hint. We were involved in a non-shooting war with this country for decades. Does that help?

S: ….. No.

CG: Jesus! Alright, alroght, this is the largest country in the world.

S: ….. Asia?

E: No! Not continents! Countries!

AG: Are you really this stupid?

S: Umm…. Africa?

Folks, I can’t make up stuff this good. This girl really couldn’t guess after all the hints we gave her. Finally we told her and moved on to talking about politics. The presidential debate just happened and of course that was what everyone talked about. Stupid was resoundingly pro-Obama, though she couldn’t tell us why or name a single issue that was important to her.  This, if you read the above, is not that surprising. She then decided to ask us where we all stood on the political spectrum. AngryDrunk is pro-Obama and said so. I’m still undecided, and mentioned this. ClimbingGuru, being a conservative, said:

CG: I’m a hundred miles right of Ronald Reagan.

S: …….

CG: Right of Ronald Reagan. Okay?

S: …… Who’s Ronald Reagan?

CG: ….. What?! Please, please do me a favor. Don’t vote. You’re too stupid to vote.

And yes, folks. She is too stupid to vote. So the moral of this story is “friends don’t let friends vote stupid”. Remember that. And study hard in your Geography class.