Deep Fried Puppies

If you’re interested in the movie, there is a simple task you should probably complete first. Go to Youtube and watch a trailer. If you liked that trailer and want almost two more hours of that, watch the movie. If not, go watch Twilight or something you bleeding fairy.

“What’s he doing?”

“Hanging a pirate.”

“Gunnar, what are you doing?”

“Hanging a pirate.”

And done. It was the first scene, so I’m not exactly spoiling anything here. But that sort of set the tone for the rest of the movie. Huge, hilariously over the top fight action sequences filled with the EOD jump (That’s where you survive an explosion by jumping just as the shockwave hits you. It works. Really. But only if you’re screaming something macho.) and absurdly Freudian guns fill this movie. At the end of it I was laughing so hard my cheeks hurt, and I loved the movie. It is like Shoot ‘Em Up, only a little less silly.

You’ve got a bunch of dudes. They shoot people. There is a female cast member, but her job is to motivate the bunch of dudes to shoot more people. These dudes are so over-the-top that the cloud of macho eclipses the tropical sun, setting the final fight at night. It is hilarious. The dialogue directly and indirectly lampoons itself, while at the same time providing perfectly functional transition from scene to scene. Functional in that you know why you’re there, and it sure isn’t to hear philosophy.

Like Kill Bill, I thought the Expendables was both a spoof and homage to the source material. In case there’s any doubt, that source material is ’80s action flicks. It does an excellent job of telling the audience that yes, it knows how silly it is. If you have a problem with that, this is not the movie for you. But if you like lunacy by caliber, it delivers. There are a number of things in the movie that they could have done for maximum awesome, and they hit most of them. For example, Randy Couture, one of the UFC’s greatest stars, is in it. So too is Steve Austin. They are on opposing sides. The fight happens. It is awesome. When everything was finished, I wanted two hours more stupid. I hope they make a sequel, but I’m worried they might take it seriously, which would ruin all the fun.

Ultimately, the movie delivers exactly what it promises, and nothing more. Well, there might have been something more, but it blew up halfway through. If you want stupid ’80s action done with modern special effects and techniques, this is exactly that. If you want anything else, you have come to the wrong place. In conclusion, on a scale of the Punisher to Predator, I give it a .45 ACP. That’s on fire and explodes.

Link is here.

Last night was the “Night of Power” of the Muslim faith. If they die killing infidels on that night, they get super virgins. We expected to party hard, but it was a quiet evening. My point is, why don’t any other religions have Nights of Power? Maybe Afternoons of Awesome or Evenings of Asskickery? Come on. All religious history is filled with unstoppable badasses wailing through hordes of people, smiting like they’d gotten prosthetic fists from a vengeful god. I was reading this other site Badass of the Week that lists quite a number of them, and does a surprising job of being inclusive. Though the description of Archangel Michael is pretty much tops. Michael, Patron Saint of Getting Shit Done.

I have a deep appreciation for normal inclusion of celestial and historic beings into daily life. It works for me. I knew a crazy old nun back in high school who did it all the time. She’d stop what she was doing and make dire threats against various saints if certain things were not done, like her keys being found or rain happening/not happening as she wanted. Crazy as hell, but interesting lady. Hit me with a dog bone once, and too this day I don’t know if I deserved it. I’m perfectly willing to believe I did, but I don’t recall doing anything at that point. Her thoughts on the matter were what was I going to do, sue her? She’d taken an oath of poverty. I remember talking to her one time, and she recounted everything she owned. It took about a minute, and didn’t go much beyond her tooth brush. Sister Mo, we called her. Great lady.

Life continues apace. Mia hacks out fiction with twisted abandon, fueled by family style coffee, which serves the double purpose of caffeine applicator and engine degreaser. You know how sometimes you swill the coffee in your cup, and it creeps down the side in viscous slowness? That’s how I like it. I’m also very twitchy, why do you ask?

Been listening to a lot of George Acosta. I’m getting in touch with my musical roots, and going after big dumb techno like there’s no tomorrow. It’s extremely relaxing. It’s also good workout music. Since I’ve got a lot of time on my hands, I do the whole gym thing regularly. Yay! Lifting heavy objects over my head. This leads me directly to the grunters, those people who have discovered that deep grunts, similar to the sounds of wild boars passing kidney stones allow more rapid development of muscle. See, I hadn’t always known this. But if you strain and gurgle vaguely disquieting biological noises while pumping iron, not only do those around you wonder if they should offer you a sanitary towel, but your body triples muscle mass gains. You instantly become svelte and masculine. This is because the Herculean efforts the grunting allows you to undertake are more manly than lifting within your capacity. Fuck knowing your limits, grunt your ass off. Or your gut fat, or whatever works for you. Hence ear buds in ears, with Tiesto wailing. Just saying.

I get spoiled working on my personnal computer. I’ve got OpenOffice, which spares me from the horror that is Office 07. It’s ghastly. Vista level ghastly.

This video is for Stubborne, but I figured everyone can enjoy it. For the people stuck somewhere where boredom reigns, maybe it’ll provide a sliver of amusement.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLEneaH_XpY

Ong Bak 2. We were all waiting for it. According to IMDB it has no contextual connection to the first one save staggering amounts of knees to faces. That being said, it’s just a matter of time until it comes out in the US. Let’s see what we can do to get an import, then. First category is for the bad guys, the second is for the man Tony himself.

It makes me want to punch babies.