Deep Fried Puppies

I jumped on my prior blog to update yesterday.  nothing too sexy to bitch over anymore.  that thing got me in plenty of good and bad situations.  Now that I’m engaged…and airing dirty laundry isn’t appropriate over the internet…I’ve just stopped caring about that one.  I dig through it and spend 2 hours re-reading life at the mental ward every once in a blue moon.  Who knew the gumdrop forest would have put me at the burrito joint I’m at today?
Maybe I should have just gone through Candyland.  They got plenty of tooth decay, I hear.

So I’m approaching my promotion.  As we know this is a big deal as in I will now manage the thirty guys that prepare my bean dip, salt the chips, restock the cups, and pee in the salsa.  Yet the handy-dandy letter than informs everyone when they expect to pick up a new polo shirt assigns you a number based on how many red stars you have next to your name on the log-in sheet.  Well, I had some slight lapse in judgement and assumed I’d be putting on April 1st.  Turns out May 1st.  At least for now.  Still waiting on the latest message.  Will probably be June 1st, just because I put on the internet I am assuming to be the burrito el capitain surpreme refrier in May.  Anyhoo, so four days from the end of March I examine this letter from the Happy Quarterdeck of Meaty Corndogs…and my fantastic appointment number is off by 2.

When you think about it, I April Fools Day’d myself.

This is why I drink.

Now, I may not be a fancy stamp collector, but I think there might be something wrong here…

This video is for Stubborne, but I figured everyone can enjoy it. For the people stuck somewhere where boredom reigns, maybe it’ll provide a sliver of amusement.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

(Yes, I know I’m a little late blogging about this. But you guys know me. I never do anything on time.)

Sidney Crosby. What an asshole. I mean, okay, okay. This is hockey, fights happen. But if anyone did that on my team, we wouldn’t wait for the other team to retaliate. We’d beat him ourselves. This kinda thing just isn’t done.

And what does the NHL do about it? A suspension? A large fine? No. A 2 minute roughing call. Really? I get that if I brush a guy a little bit in my league. In the NHL, a punch to the face carries a mandatory 5 minutes major. Apparently getting punched in the face is a worse offense than getting punched in the nuts. That is the message the NHL wants to send to the world? That it’s okay for the supposedly “best player in the league” (and no, he is far from that, don’t believe the hype) to fight like a pussy and punch a guy in the groin from behind? Apparently so. It would appear that in Gary Bettman’s (the NHL Commissioner, for those who don’t know) eyes, the “star” Penguins’ center can do no wrong. This here is what’s wrong with the NHL. Sean Avery gets in a lot of hot water saying something that’s not really that offensive on TV. Crosby punches a player in the nuts and barely gets a slap on the wrist. Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

The only good thing to come out of this is that we all can now see how much of a girl Crosby really is. Because not only does he fight dirty, he also punches like a sissy. To quote the Atlanta Journal Constitution’s NHL notebook from Sunday, 12/21/2008:

SID VICIOUS: The good news is that Boris Valabik didn’t even feel it Thursday night when Pittsburgh star Sidney Crosby was punching him from behind, between Valabik’s legs, in a sensitive area it’s not gentlemanly to punch. But Valabik did hear about it from his teammates, and he watched it on video. “I’ve never seen anything like that before,” the Thrashers defenseman said. “When I saw it on the video, I felt embarrassed for Crosby a little bit. If that’s the way he plays hockey, that’s all right. It was what it was. That’s what he did. I don’t really want to comment on that too much. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

Yeah, it was embarrassing. Both to Crosby, Pittsburgh, and the NHL as a whole.